One can learn to be more assertive, although this does come more naturally to some people than to others. There are of course training courses and workshops available at many colleges and education centres that are designed to help you to practise assertiveness but here are my own top 10 key tips in this respect:
- Don’t be unreasonably afraid of displeasing others; if you’re not being aggressive then this shouldn’t be an issue.
- Don’t feel that you should have to be liked by everyone; being assertive shouldn’t mean that you are disliked but the fear of being dislike can inhibit your ability to assert yourself.
- Don’t let your tone of voice rise at the end of a statement so as to make it sound like a question, communicating to the listener that you have doubts about what you’re saying.
- Don’t allow yourself to express unnecessary doubts about what you’re saying (e.g. “I may be wrong, but…”)
- Don’t apologise unnecessarily (e.g. “I’m sorry but I disagree”). You should only be apologising if you’re at fault. There’s no shame in disagreeing.
- Don’t let yourself feel under attack if somebody else disagrees with you. In the workplace, it’s rarely personal. It’s just business.
- Don’t be afraid of saying “No” when necessary and appropriate. It’s one of the most powerful words in the English language!
- Don’t let people cut you off in the middle of what you’re saying. Ask them politely to hear you out.
- Do stand up straight and maintain eye contact when talking to someone – and gently resting your hand on their arm can also be useful in getting them to take notice of you.
- Don’t be discouraged if you feel you handled an exchange less assertively than you should have done; recognise your failing and resolve to do better next time round.
